Giving a piece of myself away...
I am told forty two is the new thirty two. I like it! It’s like saying that red is the new black. You know it blatantly isn’t, but when your mind adjusts to the idea, wraps itself around the lie and snuffs it out, it
becomes a welcomed reality.
I never imagined by the time I reached forty two that I would have two grown up children, a four year old granddaughter, and two dogs.
I remember being in my room at twelve years old, miming to Abba songs with a yellow towel on my head (I wished I had long blonde hair like Agnetha.) My only worry I had was keeping my room tidy. Along with dreaming of being Agnetha, I dreamt of meeting prince charming, having a big fairytale wedding, and having four children, two boys and two girls. Oh, the innocence of a young girl. If only you could bottle it! But it was only to be a dream. I had my first child at sixteen; my second at eighteen, and my illusions of living happily ever after were shattered! The father of my two children, Danny and Lianne, was only two
years older than me, but unfortunately for both of us (I say that loosely) he became a heroine addict. We didn’t live together, so I was oblivious to what was going on. I found myself alone in a two bedroom flat with a toddler and a baby, but I was tough. I was strong, I could cope, and I did. I had the support of my mum and dad, so things weren’t so bad. I met someone else, whom I married, and along came my third child Nicky. Not wanting to go into too much detail, we survived for eleven years. I say survived because that was tough. Our relationship was a volatile one, and violence occurred many a time, but in the end we had to call it a day. Now at thirty years old, I had three children to bring up, but still I coped. My faith in men was practically zero, and then I went to Skiathos, one of the Greek islands, and my faith went from zero to ten in a matter of days. Then 'In The Blink of An Eye' my first novel was born. My book is based on my experience, and how a young woman, with no self esteem, met a man who made her feel like the most beautiful
woman in the world. But there is more to this story than just romance. It also delves into the world of addiction, as you follow the storyline of Mick, an alcoholic in denial, who is oblivious that his marriage breakdown is the result of his heavy drinking. Love, loss and heartbreak are some of the ingredients that have gone into my story. It is the first of a trilogy, and I have just finished the sequel, 'Paving The Way.' The
three books are based on the last ten years of my life, and over those ten years I have faced all three situations that I just spoke about. Loves shattered dreams restored, dealing with a loss that nearly destroyed me, and my heart broken into so many pieces that I thought it was beyond repair. You might be wondering why at the beginning of my post I said I had two children, when later on it is clear that I have three. Unfortunately seven years ago, my eldest son, who was eighteen, died as a result of an accident. His death nearly killed me, but here I am, better and stronger than ever, fulfilling a dream that seemed impossible. I fought the biggest fight of my life, and the battle isn’t over yet, but I am getting there. I persevered, I held on to life by my little finger nail at times, but I held on. I pushed through, and looked through, and now I can see a future on my horizon. My stories are powerful, and book three (especially) is about survival and how through the challenges life throws at you, you can grow, and become the person you were destined to be.
So here I am, forty two years old, starting a journey that is both exciting and slightly daunting…. but here I am!!!